Presenting The Hades Show!
by GillyRose
Summary: Disney's Hades has his own talk show on the Herc TV series, so why not expand the idea and have him interview famous people from Greek mythology? Presenting The Hades Show... starring Echo and Narcissus!


{This offering is based on the idea that Hades has his own TV talk show. Fans of the Herc TV series will recognize the format from the Disney's Hercules episode The Big Show. We thought it would be fun to have Hades interviewing famous people in Greek mythology, so here it goes!

Hades walks onto the stage as the curtain parts, and plunges into the typical pathetic talkshow host banter.

Badda bing BaddaBo_om_ and _**W**_**_ELCOME!_**

...To the _HADES_ Show!

...and _Welcome_... to our opening night debut...and we're **_thrilled _**to see ya here on the_ only _program that dares to ask the musical question...

**_"Why am I not _**_**doing this on top of Mt. Olympus?"**_

_**YES Sir ! It's "The" Hades Show!**_Starring .._**..ME!**_ Produced by... _**ME!**_ Directed by... **_Me!_**...and...well, **_Need_** I go on? ...thank you... thankyou...and let's not forget all the **_little_** people who made this show possible...Pain and Panic are filling in as key grips, ushers, and washroom attendants ...and let's have a **_big _**round of applause for the inhouse**_ Hades Show Orchestra._**...{we _were_ gonna get Orpheus as our house band leader but he's _**too busy ...De-composing!**_}HA! get it?..get it? hmmmmm...Hey...well anyhoo...glad to see yer all here...hmmm...is everybody getting ready for the holidays? Saturnalia's right around the corner,ya know...ah memories... I remember when I was a little god we always had a great big roast octopus every year at Saturnalia...didn't taste like much... but_ everybody got a leg!_.Huh? huh? get it? everybody gotta -oh _never_ mind...Hey!is there anybody here from Knossos? anybody? HA!_Great _town... great town!..say...what did Zeus always tell Bacchus when he was a kid ..._**STOP THAT WINING!**_ HA!...hmmm...hey..._yer gonna love this one_...what does Cleopatra put behind her ears to attract guys? **_Her Ankles!_**!**_ HA!.._**...get it? get it?...huh? pretty good, eh,? ...What **_are _**you people..._DEAD?._...{oh yeah... I forgot}...what is this, an audience or a mosaic?...I _know_ you're out there, I can hear you ROTTING! Hey, how about _this _one, didya hear about Mickey Mouse getting divorced? No, it's _true!_ He goes to the lawyer and gives 'em the papers, see, and the lawyer says, "Mr. Mouse I'm sorry to see you're divorcing your wife on the grounds of mental incompetance." And Mick says, "I'm not divorcing her for mental incompetance, I said she was _F***ing Goofy!"_...

f*** g Goofy, get it?..Huh?...Tellya what, check your IQs out there, OK? when they hit 50, Sell! Ok. Ok, only kidding, only kidding, don't get your togas in a twist...

OK, well, **_Baddabing_**...anyhoo...on with the show...it's our opening night...and **_ALL_** this week... our theme is _***Love in The Ancient World...Can this Relationship be Saved?***_ and tonight we have some VERY special mythic guests who have graciously consented to share their stories with our studio audience ...and let me tell you yer in for a _Special_ treat 'cause yer gonna meet the guy so _totally_ buff he actually _starved_ himself to death just watching his own reflection ...{and yer not gonna _Believe_ his story}... I give you the guy who invented _"Drop Dead Gorgeous" _...and the _Nymph_ who adored him ...and we're here to see if love means _never_ having to repeat yerself -so put yer ...{whatever it is you've got} together... and _Give It Up _for...

**_Narcissus... and Echo!_**

_**{Thunderous Applause and Mindless Hooting}**_

**_A frail sad young maiden appears followed by Pain holding a potted narcissus flower._**

_**Hades reaches over to her and plants an air kiss on her pale **____**cheek**_

**Hades**...Hey Babe, _Welcome_ to the show!

**Echoe**..._**Hey Babe, welcome to the show!**_

**Hades...** No, I mean -_really_ Babe- I'm glad you could make it...

**Echoe...**_**No, I mean- really Babe- I'm glad you could make it...**_

**Hades...**Whoa... OK- you can _stop_ with the repeating bit now-

**Echoe...**_**Whoa... OK- you can stop with the repeating bit now-**_

**Hades...** Oh _I_ see.. _**Riggghhht.**_..._Echoe_ ...cute...well this is gonna be a_ real_ clam bake. Let's attack this from a different angle...Where's your boyfriend?

**Echoe _..._ **_**Where's your boyfriend?**_

**Panic...**Sir, if I may interrupt he's right here...

**Hades _..._ **_**Where?**_

**Panic...**Right _here_, Sir. The_ narcissus_, Sir.

**Hades ... **What? Huh? Whaddya mean... _narcissus?_

**Echoe..._Narcissus!Narcissus!Narcissus!_**

**Hades...**Yeah, Sweet Cheeks, I _said _that already...

**Panic ... **uh...as I was saying...it's a _plant _Sir, a flowering spring bulb of the Amaryllidaceae family related to the daffodil that blooms early in-

**Hades**_...I KNOW_- what- a _"Narcissus" _is... _thankyou!_ OY VEY!...What's it doing **_here!_**

**Panic...**Well... this is _...Him,_ Sir...it's what he got turned_ into._... He kept looking at his own reflection until he wasted away and turned into a narcissus.

**Echoe_...Narcissus!_**

**Hades...He ...got turned into a... _"narcissus?"_** Why doe'snt anybody ever _Tell_ me these things?

**Pain{to Panic}...**Ya know... we really _should_ update the data base more often...

**Echo...**_**More often!**_

**Hades...YOU**... _MORONS!_ Opening night and you book a house plant _**and some co- dependent broad who can't string two words together?**_

**Pain-...**well Sir, you said get a couple of _real_ characters with _real _problems...

**Hades...**Oh I _know_ a couple of _Real _characters who are gonna have _Real_ problems in about _TWO seconds_! You _..."IDIOTS!"_

**Echoe_..._**_**Idiots!**_

_**{Hades erupts into large blast...eyelashes are singed in what **_**will_ be Brittania...}_**

**Hades...**Ok...OK look here- can we get this guy changed back just for the duration of the show?

_**{Zaps plant-a gorgeous young man appears }**_

**Hades**...Oy- **_that's_** better... Narsissus? how you doin' Babe? can I call you "Narcy", Babe? Welcome to the Hades Show!

**Echo_..._**_**Welcome to the Hades Show!Welcome to the Hades Show!Welcome to the Hades Show!**_

**Hades...**Hey**_ You! _**..."Toys- in-the-Attic" ...ya wanna give it a **_Rest?_**

**Narcissus...**Arrrgghh!where _Am_ I?

**Hades...**You're on Tartarus Vision, Babe, doin' _The Hades Show!_

**Echo_..._**_**Doin' the Hades Show!...Doin' the Hades Show!...Doin' the Hades Show!...Doin' the Hades Show!...Doin' the Hades Show!**_

**Narcissus_..._**uh...is there an_ echoe_ in here?

**Hades...**Unfortunately, _Yes_...**can someone shut this broad**_** UP?**_

**Echo_-...Shut this broad Up?Shut this broad Up?Shut this broad Up?_**

_**{Hades firezaps a gag around Echoe's mouth}**_

**Hades...**Oy- _that's_ better!

**Narcissus-**...oh...so I'm on a show ?...Thank _gods_!..._**Eww**_...I thought _you _were my reflection for a moment!

**Hades ... **Ya know... in the interest of quality programming ...I'll _ignore_ that remark... So... how you _doin', _Babe?

**Narcissus...**Do you have a mirror?

**Hades-...**Uh... yeah..._ Panic!_ Get this guy a mirror will ya?

_**{Panic fetches a mirror}**_

**Narcissus...**Oh _thank_ you- that's_ much_ better than looking into the water's surface. A _perfect _image! I'm even cuter than I _thought_ I was!

**Hades-...**Ok, well, glad yer happy... how are you feeling?

**Narcissus...**Fine... how do I look?

**Hades...**You look ...Ok ...for a mortal... I guess...uh.._so_...what we wanted to ask you is...

**Narcissus...**Actually do you like my hair parted better on the _side _or just all fluffed up?

**Hades{rolling his eyes}..._Fluffed up is fine_**...Fine!.. yer _gorgeous-_ yer one in a million**_..._**_**yer too sexy for yer **_**_chiton_**... now _On _with the interview... ya know, what our audience wants to hear about is how _you _and Echo wound up in yer... unique little predicament...I understand Hera put a curse on the little woman cause she kept _Blabbering_ away while that hound Zeus was playing nude _leap frog _again with about 25 water nymphs behind her back ..._.HA!_...and they call ME the sleazebag? _**Go Figure!**_

**Narcissus...**Do you think I should grow a beard?

**Hades**...Uh ...yeah... sure... why Not? ...now...getting back to your storyBabe...

**Narcissus...**I'm just afraid it would cover up this_ perfect_ jawline...on the _other _hand..my hair is so beautifully thick and curly it would be a shame _not_ to grow one...

**Hades**...ummmm...Can we cut to the chase here? _Fossils_ are forming, Babe...

**Narcissus** ...I_ know_- I know-..it's just that I want to look as_ great_ as can for all the _little_ people out there who want to see me at my best...it would be such a _shame_ to disappoint them...

**Hades..**Ya know...you remind me of someone I know...that kid at Pro Ac...the blonde jerk with the big chin...Adonis, is it?

**Narcissus...**I _could_ just grow a mustache- but that's not in fashion nowadays...

**Hades ... **Yeahhh...ya know...no offense, Babe, but when they were handing out personalities you musta been takin' a _whiz..._

**Echoe_...Takin' a whiz!Takin' a whiz!Takin' a whiz!_**

**Pain...** Her gag came off, Sir.

**Hades..**_...Well_..._** PUT... IT... BACK... "ON!"**_

**Narcissus...** well ...I guess what I _can _do is just be this way for now...and grow a goatee in time for my next guest shot on your show...Hmmm...gives me time to buy a whole new _wardrobe,_ too...

**Hades _..._**_**"Next Guest Shot On My Show?"** __uh...Hot News Flash_, Babe...the possibility of _that _happening is waiting for **_You_** on the corner of _**Fat**_ and _**Chance...**_

**Narcissus**...Hmmmm...In your **_honest_** opinion...do you think I was prettier as a man or a_ flower_ ?

**Echoe_..._**_**Flower!**_

**Hades...**Narcy, Babe, in my_ honest_ opinion, you've been standing in fertilizer **_too long _**...and I think this interview's at an end. In fact... now that I've met you two yawn factories I've come to the conclusion that you _deserve_ each other- and I'm gonna fix it so's you two can be happy through Eternity...

**_{Hades firezaps Narcissus back into the flower that bears his name}_**

**Hades...**_There! _That takes care of _**you**_ -ya boring _**Yutz-**_ and now for _Miss Congeniality_ over here-

**_{Firezaps Echoe into a bumble bee, who promptly flies over and buries herself in the depths of the flower.} _**

**Hades...**Badda_bing!_ Pain! Panic! you two plant this guy back next to the pond you found him by and _Everybodys_ happy!

Panic ... Why _Sir-_ that was an incredibly classy and charitable move on your part- if I may be so bold to say so...

**Hades..**You may ...you may...of course... there's the little matter of _who_ booked _who _for this show tonight...I think we need to call an Emergency Production meeting...with _just _the four of us...

**Panic...**Meeting?_ this late?_ Now? the four of us?

**Hades..**...yes, the _Four _of us..._you_ two..._Me_... and this _**sharpened stylus...**_


End file.
